I’m Not Bitter, Just Cynical











{June 16, 2008}   I’m so tired…

…I fell asleep at 8 last night. I’ve been away at a team tennis thing and we went to sleep around midnight every night and woke up at 6 every morning for four days. There were only three of us girls, so we each had to play a doubles match (girls or mixed) and a singles match. The other girls were very good, and I (being the mediocre player I am) only won 1 of 5 singles matches. Our poor number one girl never won a match. Neither did one of our five guys. Our team lost every match except one. This was the match in which I won. We ended up winning that team match 5-4. Mine was actually the deciding match! One of the guys on our team (who happened to be extremely annoying and stupid) was standing behind the fence in back of my court cheering for me, and he kept yelling at me when I messed up. He also won his singles match. (He was really funny when he played doubles because he kept yelling at his partner whenever he made a mistake.)

Then we lost one of our girls. We were all sitting in the van. She was upset because she had just lost a close three set match and started hyperventilating. We were waiting for her and our coach because he said they would be right there. Then an EMS pulled up! We were all freaking out as they pulled down a stretcher and loaded the girl into it. We were all laughing because everyone was being so stupid and we were all shocked, but we knew our coach was going to be really mad if he found us laughing. The guy sitting in the front seat was scared that our coach would eat him, which made us laugh more. We could all see him walking to the car and we were still laughing. Two seconds later, he opens the door.

Dead silence.

Then we all erupt with questions about the girl and what’s going on and are we going to the hospital and when are we going to eat. (No joke.) So we went to the hospital, and there we got yelled at by a nurse for being too loud. Then one of the guy’s mom (who was in the area) came to get us and drove us back to the hotel where we ordered a pizza. Then the other girl and I watched Unwrapped for a while and went to bed. The next day (which was yesterday) we had to default a singles match because the girl in the hospital had heat exhaustion and went home. We almost had to default mixed doubles but the other team let us play the number 1 girl again because both coaches wanted everyone to get a chance to play. And I got sunburned even though I put sun screen on religiously every two hours. It’s not fun, and I have the worst sock tan ever. My feet are bright white and my legs are really tan. It looks so ridiculous it’s not even funny. Plus, I am tired of Subway because we went there about 5 times.

And that was what I did from Thursday to Sunday. Fun, fun, fun.



...For Your Daily Dose of Cynical Sarcasm!

You just might be a slut if…

  1. Your skirt, dress, or shorts are cut above the knee.
  2. Your sleeves do not cover your wrists.
  3. Your hair is not pulled into a tight bun and covered by a hat.
  4. You walk next to, not behind, guys.
  5. You show your ankles.
  6. You do not fear men.
  7. You have boobs.
  8. You smile or wave at a guy.
  9. You talk to a guy.
  10. You poke, slap, pat, or high-five a guy.
  11. You look at a guy.
  12. You wear a swimsuit.
  13. You are in an area where a guy might be sighted.
  14. You wear any trace of make-up.
  15. You somehow wronged the person accusing you of being a slut.

(Please note: This is fully sarcasm and is not meant to offend anybody. If it does, I offer an apology and a Walmart gift card)



et cetera