You just might be a slut if…

1. Your skirt, dress, or shorts are cut above the knee.
2. Your sleeves do not cover your wrists.
3. Your hair is not pulled into a tight bun and covered by a hat.
4. You walk next to, not behind, guys.
5. You show your ankles.
6. You do not fear men.
7. You have boobs.
8. You smile or wave at a guy.
9. You talk to a guy.
10. You poke, slap, pat, or high-five a guy.
11. You look at a guy.
12. You wear a swimsuit.
13. You are in an area where a guy might be sighted.
14. You wear any trace of make-up.
15. You somehow wronged the person accusing you of being a slut.

(Please note: This is fully sarcasm and is not meant to offend anybody. If it does, I offer an apology and a Walmart gift card)

Ah, ’tis finally summer. And I have a cold.

God probably thinks he had a sudden stroke of ironic genuis and is rolling on the floor laughing right now. How cruel.

And I have absolutely nothing fit for warm weather in my closet aside from 5 t-shirts, two pairs of athletic shorts, and two tennis skirts. Oh, and two pairs of flip-flops.

See, the problem is, my legs are too long and thin and my waist is too small. If the length is correct, the waistline is not, and a belt causes it to poof out. If the waist fits correctly, the legs are too short. I would love a pair of short-shorts, but my waist is too small to fit any I like. I would also love a cute summer dress, but just trying to convince my mom to buy me one would most likely result in death, injury, or even punishment.

 I would wear one of my four tank tops, but unfortunately an awful sunburn paired with unsightly peeling has nixed that option.

So I guess I’ll just have to be content with hiding inside all summer except when on the tennis court. Poo.